fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Less talking, more tequila
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
