He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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