bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
