imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
