Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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