Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
