you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
