If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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