woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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