You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
