Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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