dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
