yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
