She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
