I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
