he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
