sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
