I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
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We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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