i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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