at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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