she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
