I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
