I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
