And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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