38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
