This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
