I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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