She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
