My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
