literally had 100 drinks last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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