I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
