Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
love makes seman taste better
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
