just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
