Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
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I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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