Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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