Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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