He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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