hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
