Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
