i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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