I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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