His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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