My sheets look like a crime scene.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she peed on how many people?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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