Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sorry my hands just texted you
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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