I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We are two peas in an std pod
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
