he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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