Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
