What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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