Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
