At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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