I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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