i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
