So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
