Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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