i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
