it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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