Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
