U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
