My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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