I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
