Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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