Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
