I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
