I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
