After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
