Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
