well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
