Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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