I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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