When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
