Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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