You made me cry and you don't even care
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
birth control should be required to get into college
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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