I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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