Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
