Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
