i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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