Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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